Indicators of Abuse

Indicators of Abuse

*** ABUSERS DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT...THEY ARE VERY CONTROLLED! They use many behaviors to control their victims. If as many as three of the following are present, the potential for abuse is significant.

History of violence in the family of origin (learned behavior). Studies indicate that 80 percent of males who observe abuse in their family of origin become abusers as adolescents and/or adults. Odds for arrest as juveniles or for a violent crime are increased by 60 percent.

History of cruelty to children and/or animals. Batterers use children to manipulate and intimidate their victim. The victim is often threatened with loss of her children if she tries to leave him.

Women/children viewed as objects or property of males, rather than people. Batterers have strong beliefs about male/female roles, what a man should do, what a woman should be. He may use victim/children as symbols of his success in the community. He tells her how to dress, how to act and when she can be seen publicly. She is his “hood ornament”.

Low self-esteem, self-confidence, feelings of helplessness/powerlessness (cup is always half empty, never half full).

Violence, force, restraint of victim used to give sense of power Violence is used to solve problems and resolve internal needs for power and control.

Quick temper, hostile outbursts, Batterers over-react to minor frustrations or problems, use outbursts to control victim.

Destruction of property/pets. Batterer pounds tables, punches holes in doors or walls, tears out facings, throws things, uses violent acts to obtain or maintain control. Destroys cars, furniture or other objects, breaks windows, cuts up clothing or pictures, breaks victim's favorite things. Threatens to injure or kill pets to coerce victim or children into submission. Does not lack impulse control or have uncontrolled anger. Behavior is very controlled, calculated and intentional to obtain control over the victim.

Rationalizes own behavior, never takes responsibility for own actions. Blames victim for abuse. “If you would just do what I tell you, I would not have to hurt you.”

Perceives self as being criticized. Hypersensitive to comments, actions of others bordering on paranoia.

Abuses alcohol or other drugs. May force victim to engage in drug use or manufacture or sale of drugs.

Jealousy and possessiveness in regard to other men as well as family and friends. Suspicious of infidelity in partner, accuses victim even without evidence.

Access to, possession of, or preoccupation with weapons. Often owns collections of guns, knives, bow & arrows, etc.

Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde public/private persona. Public persona, often appears to be “family man”, community leader while private persona behind closed doors exposes cruel, manipulative, abusive characteristics.

Inconsistent/changing expectations of victim. Double bind for victim who cannot meet expectations no matter how hard she tries or what she does.

Uses verbal assault and intimidation to destroy victim’s self esteem and confidence. “You are so fat and ugly, no one else will have you if you leave me. You are the worst mother in the world. Why don’t you learn how to cook? How could you have done anything so stupid?”

Denies/minimizes abuse. “Think about it. You have it pretty good, a nice home and car. If you leave me, or have me put in jail, you will lose all that.”

“Mind games” / Mind control. Makes victim think she is “crazy”. Tells victim, her friends and family that she is insane. Brainwashes victim to make her believe abuse is her fault.

Deeply invested in his victim, his ownership of her and his entitlements to her loyalty and services.

Forced sex, restraint, sexual assault used to dominate /control partner, destroy self esteem.

Fantasies of homicide/suicide. May disclose fantasies and use as threats. Projects fantasies of homicide/suicide to others.

Isolates victim from family and friends. Controls telephone contact and visits. Controls use of car or other transportation. Threatens to harm family or friends if she tries to leave.

Controls economic resources. May deprive victim of needed medication, access to health care, necessities for herself and children, i.e., gives victim small amount to buy food and run household and expects to have more than she can buy with it.

Makes all the “big” decisions, i.e., where family will live, when to buy a house or car, when to have children.

May use unwanted pregnancy, exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, HIV, to control victim. Low birth weight babies, spontaneous abortion, birth defects more frequent in victims of abuse.

May take victim/children as hostages, threaten with weapons if he believes she is trying to leave.

May use arson as a tool for manipulation to hold on to victim. Sets fire to house, car or other item of special significance to victim.

Controls victim through non-verbals such as eye contact, ways of touching, appears affectionate on surface while delivering a painful pinch, punch, cut, or other injury. Says, “I was only playing or joking”.

Imposes injuries such as strangulation, head injuries, bruises/lacerations, fractures. Becomes skillful at imposing injuries with little surface visibility, i.e., severe internal injury with little bruising, marks on skin.

Manipulates other people and systems in community to build his public image as a “good” person, father, employee, etc. Manipulates justice system., judges, attorneys, law enforcement. Manipulates employers, education system, faith community, other family members to build his case as “good” person and victims as crazy, sick, bad, inept.

Increases risk-taking as victim comes closer to leaving. Insensitive, self-absorbed, narcissistic, sociopathic, little or no remorse for actions. Feels that he has a “right” to do whatever it takes to maintain control over victim. About 75 percent of homicides/suicides occur when victim is leaving the abusive relationship.